Relationships

RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGES

Text About It is a free and anonymous text support service for moments when you are dealing with relationship challenges and need support to get to a calmer place. Text HELLO to 50808 to start a conversation, any time - day or night.

If your life is at imminent risk, please call 999 immediately. 

Set boundaries

It is important to recognise when an argument or fight is getting too out of control or too heated. It is equally important to allow time for a breather if you get to that point of an argument. Arguing, when both parties are extremely angry, can take a real toll - so be sure to take a break and then go back to talk about the issue again once you both have calmed down.

Be honest

If you don’t understand what the other person is saying, don’t pretend that you do; instead, ask them for clarification. If you are truly angry about a topic, avoid brushing off the issue and pretending like it’s nothing; instead, tell the person how you really feel.

Try to solve the problem, not win the argument

At times during fights we all forget that our main goal is resolving the issue that is at hand rather than winning the argument. If your goal of the argument is to win, you will most likely leave the argument in worse condition than when you began, which might lead to more fights in the future.

A toxic relationship is a relationship that is unhealthy. Instead of bringing security, contentment, and joy to your life, a toxic relationship brings you more sadness than happiness. All relationships go through ups and downs, however, an unhealthy relationship may have these in extremes, and more frequent lows than a healthy one. If you are in a toxic relationship, you may feel ecstatic and extremely happy one day and utterly devastated the next.

Signs of a toxic relationship

• They constantly put you down and make you feel bad about yourself.

• You are arguing one day, and things are great the next.

• They often make you feel guilty.

• They are jealous of your friends and relationships with others.

• You feel like it’s your responsibility to fix things.

• You change yourself to try to please them.

• You worry about setting them off and feel like you have to watch what you say.

• You feel anxious or unwell when you know you’re going to see them.

• They message and call you constantly.

• You have lost confidence in yourself since being with them.

• You’re not sure if you can trust them, but you don’t feel like you can question them or if you do, they react in an angry or upset manner.

Talking to them

If you feel safe, you could consider talking to the person about what’s going on and how it’s impacting you. If they’re willing to listen and to work on it, perhaps there are ways that it can become a healthy relationship.

If the problems persist or crop up again, it may be time to consider leaving the relationship. If you do not feel safe bringing up the conversation it is okay to walk away.

If you would rather talk to someone anonymously to share how you feel in a safe, non-judgmental space, you can text ‘HELLO’ to 50808 and speak to one of our trained Text About It Volunteers.

Knowing when to walk away

If the other person isn’t willing to listen to what you have to say, or if they keep returning to their toxic behaviour again and again, then it might be time to end the relationship.

This can be difficult, especially if you’ve been close for a very long time, or if it’s someone you see often, like a friend or work colleague.

Moving on

Explain to them why you want to end the friendship or relationship, and ask them to respect your decision. It may not always be possible to physically move away if it is someone you live with or a family member.

Try to avoid engaging in arguments or gossiping with other people about the person. Remember to always do what’s best for you and your mental health, and work on creating healthy relationships.